Jeff Liao, known artistically as Fedge, is a San Francisco based singer-songwriter whose work explores themes of queerness, identity, and healing. His latest single, “Wish I Saw The Signs,” adds on to these themes; reflecting on grief, hindsight, and the loss of a dear friend.
In a way, creating this song was cathartic in the aftermath of this loss. Sharing it with close friends and family before a limited release on Bandcamp to raise funds for The Trevor Project, this single created a community with those going through similar experiences.
Learn more about the creation process of this song and Fedge as an artist through our interview.
We all go through stages of grief differently. How did you navigate grief through this song, and how do you feel now that it’s finally completed?
I didn’t write this song until five or six months after my friend passed. It took a lot of time to process. The songwriting helped me find closure. I needed time to mourn the loss of my friend and make sense of it. The last time I saw him was at Oasis when we went to see Nymphia Wind together. I don’t think I ever set out to be like, oh, I want to write a song about my friend Justin. One day, I was feeling the feels and thinking about him, and I cried a lot and wrote a song. For the longest time, I couldn’t even really cry about it because I didn’t fully process it. It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later, when I was in my car, that I was like, “Why? Why did you do that?” That’s when it really hit.
What helped you through this grieving process? Were there any support systems?
We had a close mutual friend who broke the news to me. She called me and was like, “Please, Jeff, call me when you wake up.” We’ve been each other’s support systems. Songwriting helped me find the words to say to him that I can’t. I also think when you write a song and you put it out into the world, other people find solace in it, and that’s like when you’re part of something bigger. That is super healing. It’s no longer just about yourself. It’s for everybody.
It’s a great relief to realize that other people out there share similar emotions or experiences. You’re not alone in this. Other people are there for you.
Although it’s not fully released, it’s on Bandcamp to raise money for The Trevor Project. People have already started messaging me, saying how much the song means to them and how they’ve been through something similar, and it’s been very meaningful.
When you finished the song, were you able to share it with those close friends? Have you had any private listening parties for that song where you were able to discuss with people who knew him?
I did send the song immediately to his twin sister when I finished it. I wanted to get her blessing, and she loved it. She was like, “Are you gonna release it?” I was like, “Yes, planning to,” and we actually chose the Trevor Project together because it’s what we think Justin would have wanted the funds to go to.
We talked briefly about spirituality and crystals, and how they play a role in your life. I just wanted to learn a little bit more about that.
I’ve always been a very spiritual person. I grew up Buddhist, and I wear this Bodhisattva necklace with me always. We grew up in Taiwan, where it’s largely Daoist Buddhist, so it’s been like a big part of my upbringing. It doesn’t really matter what you believe in; there is a greater power up there supporting you. That’s what I believe in,
You describe your music as fusing glittery synth pop with gut-wrenching truth. How has exploring songwriting helped you mentally?
When my therapist is on vacation, I song-write. [Laughs] I actually think without therapy, I wouldn’t have been able to learn how to songwrite. I didn’t have the tools to process my feelings. I’m so grateful to my therapist, because he’s taught me to name the emotions I experience. I remember when I first went to him, he was like, “Do you experience anxiety?” I was like, “What? No, I’m not anxious at all.” I know now that I experience anxiety often. I just had no idea how to name the emotion I was feeling. Songwriting has allowed me to process my feelings, name them, and provide others a sense of community. We are not alone; we all experience these feelings.
Michelle: Therapy is so powerful. I didn’t realize how anxious I was until my therapist was like, “Have you ever felt calm?” And I’m like, “No.”
Fedge: “Have I ever experienced peace?” [Laughs]
How has the reception been with your first three singles?
It’s been so great. Everybody has been so supportive and kind. Honestly, the person who is the most critical of my music is me. Most people just want you to succeed and do well, which I’m really grateful for.
I especially have to thank my guitar teacher, Kevin. We connected a while back, and he really encouraged me to take my love for music more seriously. At first, we focused on guitar, but after a while, he suggested trying songwriting instead. That moment completely changed everything for me. Without his belief and support, I don’t think I would’ve had the courage to start writing or releasing my own music.
Did he help you produce any of your singles? Or have you self-produced each one?
I work with a producer. His name is Griffin, one of Kevin’s best friends. We produce everything in his bedroom. Bedroom Pop. Kevin did produce one of my future songs. Little spoiler there.
How has living in San Francisco helped you grow as a person and as an artist?
I love San Francisco. Having grown up mostly in Taipei, San Francisco is the first place in America where I’ve truly felt at home–it’s so inclusive. I truly feel like SF is just so welcoming and accepting. It feels safe to be queer and Asian here. There’s also a culture of better work-life balance, where I can pursue music and have the mental capacity to do so.
Your upcoming EP, Through It All, is set to come out in early February. What can we expect?
The whole EP is about healing my inner child and hopefully healing others along the way. You can expect some more upbeat songs, but still very heartfelt lyrics or topics. It’s all about the growth that comes with getting older. This is my healing era. That’s why I chose red, because it’s very warm and comforting. After this, I think there’s gonna be some more exploration of gay relationships and finding love. I feel like I had to tell my story of my childhood first before I could move forward.
Michelle: You’re splitting up your songwriting career into different stages of your life. Next is love.
Fedge: Exactly. After that, I have no idea. Stay tuned.
Fedge
Instagram | Listen to “Wish I Saw The Signs“
